Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Sometimes I fail as a writer

I am asked, somewhat frequently, by a handful of people about getting some of my writings published. They are trying to be encouraging and helpful, and I appreciate their belief that anything I write would be considered worth reading by enough people to warrant a publication. I do have thinly-veiled aspirations to someday be a published author and I hope that I will eventually find a topic to write about that would bring out my writing talents in a way that would be marketable. Ultimately I meet up with this particular rub: When I start writing with the thoughts of publication racing through my head, I've lost my intentionality for my writing all together...

We are called to keep our eyes on the things of above and not the things of this earth, and we are called to do all things not for the glory of man, but to the glory of God. If I keep my eyes upward, my writing is about me expressing my love of Christ and my desire to increase the depth of my knowledge of Him... but as my gaze shifts to those around me, and seeking their praises, I express only my desire for self-actualization. My ego begins to run wild as I write, as I put down words that sound good to my ears, I hear the familiar voice of self begin to whisper about my own greatness, about all the good and wonderful things I could accomplish... whats worse, as I focus my writings on myself, I begin to believe that voice. I hear it twisting through my brain, using the true desires of my heart, my desires to delve deeper and deeper into the love of Christ, and to understand as much about Him that He will willingly allow me to know, it begins to twist my desires to allow other to see this same love, and to reach out to those who long for it... the selfish sin-nature within me twists those desires and places focus back onto me. I begin to think about how I can reach people for Christ, how I can achieve to work of Christ, how I can stand for Christ... but never once do I begin to consider how I can submit my talents to His will and allow Him to work through me to achieve each of those things... to some that might seem to be splitting hairs, but to me, its huge. My intention when I write must be to present myself as a submitted and humble servant of God, that He might use that talents He gave me to reach out and reveal His glory to those who stumble across these words. To rattle through some thoughts of Paul, I am to write as though I truly believe that it is not I who live but it is Christ who lives in me... I need to be submitted to that same level, that I might join with God in His mission and His work to bring glory and honor to Him, as He along is worthy of such things.

If I ever do become a published author, my hope is that it will be because of a dependence on God, and His desire that the words I have put down on paper are ultimately pleasing to Him. In the meantime, I hope to continue to use this space as a conduit of my thoughts and musings as I continue to explore the depths of His great mercy, grace, and love. I hope to continue to better understand the gifts and talents He has bestowed on me, with which I am to glorify Him.

If you read my blog at all, I want to thank you for that... pray with me that more and more people will understand the purpose of their gifts, and will use them to bring about the changes this world needs.

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