A deeply personal experience

Sometimes faith seems likes totally illogical idea. It feels like I must be crazy in order to believe the Bible. There have been plenty of times in my life that I have attempted to live as though I no longer believed. I decided it would be easier to live life as focused on only myself and what I thought was best. This always led to more pain than anything else... It seems that the words of Paul, in Romans, ring true... God's wrath can be delivered in more than one way.

We often only think of the explosiveness of God's wrath that is seen throughout stories of the flood and destruction of cities in the Old Testament, but what about the passive wrath? We learn through the words of Paul, and also Luke, that one of the most ultimate forms of God's wrath against sin is to give us over to those sins. It is how Hell is described in several places... And to experience it on Earth is a rather Hell-ish experience of its own.

From a flesh-sided point of view, this sounds very little like punishment... I mean, if I turn away from God enough, he'll eventually back off and give me over to my desires? But, having been there before, as a believer who went WAY too far astray, there is nothing more agonizing than the point when sin loses any pleasure and begins to consume you. I remember feeling like I was stuck, and drowning in my own life... I remember feeling God at a distance, and still knowing that it was my choice to place Him that far away.

The truly brutal climb out of that pit, in an attempt to find a way to get back to God is an experience that is so humbling that I think being burned alive would be more comfortable. I remember the points in the ascent that seemed like there was no hope, that I would rather stay in my personal darkness than reach to the blinding glory of Christ. But I also remember the encouragement and love beginning to break through the pain. I remember seeing God working through those around me to extend love and encouragement, I was fighting through my flesh to earnestly seek God, and he was there, reaching out for me.

I am so thankful for my relationship with Christ that I know has saved me from an eternity of the pain that I got a small taste of in my darkest time. I could not imagine walking through this life without knowing God. Faith in God may sometimes seem illogical, but it also seems perfect and right.