Little drummer

I hope to, sometime in the near future do a series of posts looking at the many misunderstood ideas, words, etc of Christianity. These will hopefully take a closer look at things like grace, love, joy, meekness, and other such things that have been so misrepresented by both the secular and religious worlds. I am really looking forward to these posts, but thats not what I have for today... I thought it was, but then as I was driving home just now, I was listening to Christmas music, and it really smacked me... my pride is trying to creep back into control of my life.

I hate it when my pride does this, but I also acknowledge that my ego is a formidable beast and will often need strong efforts to keep it at bay. I have been bombarded recently with acts that have stroked said ego. I have also sat front row to some impressive displays of pride from others. As with so many other things in life, its is easiest to despise the characteristic found in another that you most despise within yourself... so what does this have to do with Christmas music?

The little drummer boy, thats what... he totally gets it. He understands the idea of missional living and humble service to his King. The line that truly struck me (I'll refrain from adding the pah-rump-a-pum-pums, but feel free to sing them to yourselves) "I have no gift to bring... that is fit to give a King... Shall I play for you... on my drum?"

He gets it! We have nothing, not one thing, that even begins to crest into the realm of a gift that is fit to give to Christ. We have nothing outside of Jesus, Himself. So, what should we give to Him? Whatever we've got, and all of it! Give completely of ourselves, humbly and completely, to the One who gave it all... realize that it is only by His grace that we have anything! Stop feeling like we are entitled anything... God owes us nothing, yet gives us everything... when we feel like we have been shorted by God, we are slapping the death of Christ right in the face. We are entitled nothing, yet we expect more... I feel I deserve something more than I have... when will I realize that I have all I will ever need?

The drummer boy got it, and he laid it down for Christ... and the baby Prince smiled. When was the last time I made my Lord and Savior smile?

Little late Thanksgiving

I had every intention of writing an obligatory Thanksgiving post, but, as one can easily tell, I failed... nothing too new or surprising on that account, but still. So, slightly late, here is an obligatory Thanksgiving post:

First and foremost this year, as cliche as it is to say, I am thankful for a personal relationship with Christ. Moreso than even that, I am thankful that I know what that phrase means. I do not merely proclaim Christianity because I am a white anglo-saxon protestant descended American, but I proclaim it because I have been redemed by a Savior who saught me out and called me to Him.

I am thankful for a wife that is so much my other half that it is hard to picture how I would survive without her. I have learned over the past year a new level of appreciation for the love and support she offers to me, no matter where I am. This year has been a trial of never-before-seen proportion for me. The incredible stress of losing my mother as well as all of the other things going on in my life, and my wife was right there through it all. My wife makes me a better person.

I am thankful for my daughter; truly the light of my world. Her enthusiasm over things as simple as a morning hug, and her unwaivering love for her mom and I are outstanding testaments to the love of God. She makes me a better person as well, I must live in a way that I would want her to emulate. She makes me want the world to be a better place.

I am thankful that my mother is healed. She is no longer sick, and cancer has no more hold over her. My mother was the only person on this earth that always knew and understood what I was saying, where my head was, and how to break me down. She could defuse my ego, and boost my self-esteem at the same time. She was given the gift that so many of would wish we could have; she was able to say when she was ready to pass from this life. She got to say where, and when. I am thankful that God answered a prayer I made when I first learned of her illness that she be healed in a beautiful and miraculous way that would be so evident of His grace. I miss her dearly, but I am comforted by the knowledge that in death she has not once worried about anything, and she never will again.

I am thankful for an earthly father that is so full of grace and intense passion. I can't say enough for this man; watching him through the past 4 years has taught me more about love, true, unbridled, and fierce love, than anything I have ever seen on this earth. I am so much the man I am because my Dad is the man he is. He worked 100 hour weeks, yet still had time to coach, practice, and watch me. He never made us feel second to his company.

I am thankful for my sisters, who help to keep me well grounded. They are both beautiful people, and deserve all they get in life.

Thats it in a nutshell... hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Easier said than done

"And then one day, I'll cross the river, I'll fight life's final war with pain... And then as death gives way to victory, I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know he lives"

As we were singing these lyrics this past Sunday, I had to take a moment to reflect... to look back and smile, and well up at the same time. I have tried so many times in the past 4 months to put words together to help explain the way I felt as I watched my mom pass away. It has been so difficult to not have her here, to not have her around so that I know that at least someone understands the ridiculous joke I just told, or whatever... Those words have continued to escape me, but as I truly look at her passing and as I remove myself from the situation, and allow myself to be simply an observer of the human condition, I am reminded of one thing.

At the moment of my mom's passing,there was a look of peace and contentment on her face. I remember at the time thinking it looked as though there was a smile on her face... my mother's smile is something I will never forget, it was such a piece of her, and tying it to these lyrics, I can only imagine what she saw at this moment in her life. She had truly waged war against pain, and she had allowed death to give way to victory... her faith became sight. She saw firsthand the truly incomprehensible majesty of Heaven.

God is greater than whatever battle you are facing, and victory over all trials can only truly be found in Him. We must only remember that it is not up to us to define victory, or to place the definition of a miracle into a box. We cannot allow ourselves to believe that God has failed us simply because the outcome of something in our lives is not what we wanted... we should desire His will in all situations. Easier said than done

Psalm 39... Selah

"Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my lifetime as nothing in Your sight; surely every man AT HIS BEST is a mere breath. Selah." Psalm 39:5 (Emphasis mine)

One of my favorite things about God's word is that no matter how many times you read through scripture, it can hit us in different ways and at deeper levels depending on our need in that moment. It is a living word that is there for us, and I love it.

This is what struck me today when reviewing yesterdays sermons in light of our small group study for next week, at his best. Even when I am feeling good and life is at its best, it is still just a breath.
Today, as I was laying down for my nap, I was having attitude issues. My pity party stems back to just this feeling that my life has not been going according to my plan, and therefore I am frequently taking out my frustrations on people who do not deserve it. As I was stewing today, I decided I needed to work on this study. Today we were supposed to meditate on Psalm 39. When I got to this (at his best) it really struck me; if even my best days are a mere breath, how insignificant a time is my bad times?

It makes it easier to relax when I am feeling bad about my day to put into perspective how short the time is compared to the eternity of great time ahead of me.

A quick blurb on love

God loves you... its easy to brush that off, especially depending on what you believe about God. Its easy for me to just gloss right over it... but that does not make it untrue, or insignificant. It is also easy to brush off in light of what is defined as love anymore. It is easy to look at the cheap, dirty, filth that the world calls love and allow that to taint and diminish the true meaning of the word. Love is not a simple emotion, and it is not propagated by feeling. Love is something much deeper, it is something inherent in our souls. Our core being craves love because that is how we were created. We seek out love in this world because of that inner-longing for what we know we need. It is easy to understand why we are so easily tempted into things that promise us love.

God IS love... To say that we crave love, is to say that we crave God. We were created to bring glory to God, and to be with Him. Due to original sin and the fall of man, we are destined to be separated from God, and thereby, love. We are left with an emptiness and a longing for the thing we know we are missing. We recognize that absence as a need for love. What we forget is that God is love. We have that feeling of need because we need God! Satan has perverted this feeling in us, through sin. We no longer understand love, or God. We get trapped in the worldly version of love, believing that it will complete us. Only God completes us.

I realize that ultimately those two paragraphs say the same thing, and I am totally ok with it. Being someone who has fallen prey to Satan's luring to worldly replacements of love, I thank God that He doesn't give up on us. Never forget that God loves you, and God is love...

Something I learned in the bathroom

I don't know about you, but I spend a legitimately large amount of the time in a bathroom. Think about it, even if you only spend a minute or so at a time, you probably spend 15 minutes or more of your day on or near a toilet, plus you really should be in a shower or tub at some point each day as well. Being a night shift nurse, I tend to spend more time awake than the average person, and often take 2 showers a day. I would estimate that I spend a total of an hour a day in the bathroom... as such, I spend alot of time alone with my thoughts. I find I am quite the thinker when I am let to my own devices in the solitude of the loo... so here's something that came to me yesterday...

We often hear analogies regarding parenthood and its symbolizing the relationship between God and mankind. I have always enjoyed the metaphor, and think it often fits really well. I saw it in action yesterday. My daughter is just over a year old and is very much a daddy's girl. (I am totally ok with this) She wants to spend time close to me, and often gets upset when she can't. This was exacerbated yesterday when I needed to take a shower. She followed me around the house, called my name and wanted me to hold her. She became increasingly upset as I was unable to pick her up. I had just finished mowing and was covered in dirt and sweat. The displeased little lady hit her breaking point when I went into the bedroom and closed the door, effectively breaking her little heart. As I got into the shower, I could hear her cries and her calling out "Dada, Dada!"... then she got quiet. I finished my shower and hoped that she was doing ok, put on some clothes and went back into the bedroom. She was sitting on the bed with her mama, playing and waiting for me to join them.

See the parallel?

We, especially as new Christians, want to be close to our daddy. We desire to follow Him, and to love Him. We love to feel close to His heart and be held in His arms. There are times in our walk that we feel like we can't get close to God, times when we feel like we are running in circles and that God is just ignoring us. We find it hard to understand that for whatever reason in that moment, it is for our own good that God pulls Himself back. It is not easy for Him to sit back and watch or listen to His children cry out, but sometimes it is necessary. So, how do we respond in those moments? Do we run away from God? Do we decide that He has abandoned us? Do we do it on our own? Or do we do what God's word tells us to do? Do we have child-like faith?
Maybe what we need most in that time is to go to someone who has a deeper understanding and knowledge of God. We need mentors who can help us get through those times. We should surround ourselves with people who are smarter than us, and can encourage us. Through guidance and prayer, they can help us get through the times we feel God is distant.

Thats what my little girl taught me yesterday. When she felt that I was far away, she called out for me, and went to find help from someone who knows me better than she does. She knew that her mama could help her. Together they waited and continued to call out for me... and I was all too happy to rejoin them

God knows me

During worship Sunday morning at FBC-Nixa (check us out sometime) I was struck in a rather unexpected way when Steve mentioned Lamentations 3:40. I was reminded that not only is God never surprised by the happenings of this world, but also He is never surprised by my own life. Furthermore, it is almost as though God expects me to fail. Read through this verse:

"Let us search out our ways,and turn back to God." Lamentations 3:40

God does not require me to be perfect in my following of Him, He knows I can't do it. He knows that within my innermost being there is a sense of individualism. God made me, and He knows that there are times that I am going to doubt everything, down to the very core of His existence. I've hit that place so many times in my past, both distant and recent. So often I hear that voice in my head laughing at me for believing that anything so ridiculous as a personable and loving God could exist. My own ego mocks that even if this God could exist, that He would send Himself in the form of a baby, and that this child would grow into a man, living a perfect life, to die and take the punishment that I deserve. My inner monolouge tells me I am stupid for thinking any of this is truth... Then I am reminded of the times I bought into those doubts. The lonely days of sitting in a dorm room, unable to get out of bed. The feelings of total abandonment of all things happy and good that preceeded not just one, but two academic suspensions. (not to mention an 80pound weight gain, and loss of many good friends)I remember the night that I finally reopened my Bible... and read "Let us search out our ways, and turn back to God"

I needed to hear those words again... God knows I will get comfortable and complacent and start trying to seek my own ways again.

Thank you God for never giving up on me