God knows me

During worship Sunday morning at FBC-Nixa (check us out sometime) I was struck in a rather unexpected way when Steve mentioned Lamentations 3:40. I was reminded that not only is God never surprised by the happenings of this world, but also He is never surprised by my own life. Furthermore, it is almost as though God expects me to fail. Read through this verse:

"Let us search out our ways,and turn back to God." Lamentations 3:40

God does not require me to be perfect in my following of Him, He knows I can't do it. He knows that within my innermost being there is a sense of individualism. God made me, and He knows that there are times that I am going to doubt everything, down to the very core of His existence. I've hit that place so many times in my past, both distant and recent. So often I hear that voice in my head laughing at me for believing that anything so ridiculous as a personable and loving God could exist. My own ego mocks that even if this God could exist, that He would send Himself in the form of a baby, and that this child would grow into a man, living a perfect life, to die and take the punishment that I deserve. My inner monolouge tells me I am stupid for thinking any of this is truth... Then I am reminded of the times I bought into those doubts. The lonely days of sitting in a dorm room, unable to get out of bed. The feelings of total abandonment of all things happy and good that preceeded not just one, but two academic suspensions. (not to mention an 80pound weight gain, and loss of many good friends)I remember the night that I finally reopened my Bible... and read "Let us search out our ways, and turn back to God"

I needed to hear those words again... God knows I will get comfortable and complacent and start trying to seek my own ways again.

Thank you God for never giving up on me