Wednesday, April 3, 2013

bottom of the pit

I don't really have anything specific to write about today... sometimes I would let that keep me from writing or posting anything. Of course that is pretty obvious by the many, many days that I don't post anything original to this blog. I wish I were one of those people who had new and inspirational thoughts every day, someone who people would check each day to see what I had to say, because they knew it would be beneficial. But I'm not that guy, nor do I believe I ever will be. Its not how I was gifted. My gift is more like a  shotgun, there are days when I will get 5-7 ideas for blog posts, fully formed, well articulated ideas... but most days are like today, I don't really feel like I have much to share.

I have often thought it would be interesting to write in a truly, free-flowing, flow of consciousness style. To just spill my thoughts onto paper as they come to me... unedited, unplanned. The plain and simple truth is that it terrifies me to think of where my mind would likely go in such a situation. My mind is not clean, easy, or generally public appropriate at many points throughout the day. I have to allow careful control over my thoughts on a moment to moment basis to ensure that I am not traveling down the paths of egotistical, arrogant, self-righteous, manipulative, proud, and disdain. Those who feel they know me well would likely not describe me in the ways listed there, but those who do truly know me have watched me struggle through those times. My wife knows all too well that this side of my nature still lives and breathes within me, she has suffered through many days where it controls my thoughts, actions, and words. Luckily, it is not that nature which controls me, that nature only comes out when I feel that I can control it, rather than allow Christ to do so. When I submit my mind and body over to the Lordship of Jesus, as He commands me to do so daily, and when I choose to shoulder my own cross and nail my life to it, as He did His... when I surrender who I am, and allow Him to redefine me, I am controlled and compelled by His love. His power over sin is universal, but also personal. He died for ALL sin, but He died for mine. He paid the wage of death for ALL mankind, but He paid it for me. And when I try to take back control, when I start to answer to that old self, the one that will one day be defeated, I find myself back in the pit of my total depravity, surrounded by the pains of my past, and the darkness of who I am apart from the Christ who saved me... when I reach that bottom... Jesus is there. He whispers to me, still, silent, calm, empowering... and He asks me, "Why are you back here? I have already died for this, I have already paid the painful price for this so that you don't have to. I love you." He knows when I head down that path, He warns me as I do, He offers a way off that path, a way that leads back to Him before I reach that pit... but He also knows that many times, I'll ignore Him on the way, and so  He waits for me there...

I don't care how deep your pit is, I don't care who or what is laying in it for you... I don't care what you have done, or how far you have run... I don't care who you believe you are... Jesus already paid your price, He is already risen, defeated every sin, every doubt, He has conquered death for us. All we have to do is accept His payment, turn from our own pit, and walk back out along the path, lighted by His love, back into the life He has intended for each of us. He said it Himself, so many times and so many ways... Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life... the only way back to God... He is the word become flesh... and the Word is a light upon our path, guiding us in the way of righteousness

I'm glad I didn't have anything to write today... that felt good, and right
If you read this, thank you for doing so... if you liked it, please share it with others, or take a look at some of the other things I have written... if you didn't like it, then don't

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