Art of Marriage

This past weekend, our church offered the Art of Marriage. I was grateful that schedules aligned, and allowed Zenobia and I the opportunity to go. Our marriage is, I assume, like many people's, its not perfect, and we have struggles in how to live our lives together and such, but ultimately our marriage is pretty good. I never go into these kinds of things seeking or expecting to find some new information or having some great epiphany regarding life, parenting, marriage, etc. I go expecting to be told may of the same strong truths of what marriage is, and what we should do to try to ensure that we are fulfilling the roles and such that God has ordained for us.

This weekend was different. It wasn't brand new teaching, it wasn't some nebular explosion of understanding, but it was truth. In different times and seasons of life, as Gospel truths are placed in front of us, the Spirit works in our hearts and minds in different ways. Something that we have heard trumpeted over and over again suddenly strikes the heart-string with a different fervor. Reverberations of this start to shine through in a different spectrum of light, falling on our eyes with a beauty that we hadn't appreciated before. We see this happen in different ways, through different mediums, and in different times in our lives, but the formula is consistent:

Spirit unveils eyes, truth shines forth, response is required.

For me this last weekend, the simple, beautiful truth that was espoused as it has been so many different times was this: Marriage exists as a shadow, a type, of reflection of the realities of the Gospel. Marriage is 2 people mutually deciding and choosing to enter into an everlasting and unconditional covenant with one another, before God, that they will love, honor, and cherish one another. In the moment of recitation of our vow to our spouse, we are agreeing (wittingly or not) that we will uphold the doctrinal truths found in the book of Ephesians. As men, we are agreeing to love this woman as Christ loves the church, washing over her with our words, building her up that we might present her beautiful and blameless. Women, devoting themselves to the headship of this man, trusting that he will do all that he does in effort to fulfill his purpose as her husband. An agreement, a covenant to pursue the Glory of God together, as husband and wife, independent of influences that occur and exist outside of themselves and their God, having chosen to leave behind their former lives and to cleave together as one flesh. In their one-ness that will live and pursue. There is utter freedom in this covenant, utter grace. I have promised to love my bride, regardless of whatever merit may exist. I have chosen her to be my bride. She has promised that same love, unconditional, no matter what I do, where I go, or whatever may come to pass, she will love me, submitting herself to my headship.

This last point is what really struck me. The freedom found in an unconditional love relationship is enormous. My wife has quite literally stated that there is nothing I can do that would cause her to leave my side. (This is not the time or place for discussion on Biblical reasons and such for termination of the marriage covenant, the power of sin in our world is real, hurtful, and must be dealt with carefully) The reality of my wife's commitment to me staggers my brain. And it sends my brain into a dual reality, it calls forth the two natures that battle within me:
On the one hand, I have complete freedom to do whatever I desire. I can chase after my lustful wants, and my prideful desires. She's promised to love me, that is on her. My sin nature loves this thought, and it pulses within me with much adrenaline. But, thanks be to God that my sin nature is not the ruling nature of my soul. The reality quickly sets into place that due to the enormity of her promise and the totality of the unconditionality of her love for me, spurs me away from the lustful desires of my flesh, and compels me instead to love her more intently. Because I know that there is nothing that could separate our love, it makes me want to cherish and protect, and foster that love ever more dearly, not test the bounds of it with reckless abandon. I am compelled by the steadfastness of her commitment to me that I desire to be a man who is worthy of such trust, submission, respect, and love. I am not that man, but I am more that man than I was last week, or even yesterday, and I strive to be more that man tomorrow and for the years to come.

It is in this way that I most clearly see the Gospel in marriage. In eternity past, God chose for himself a bride. Jesus chose for Himself a people, His church. He willfully entered into a covenant agreement with His bride, to love them unconditionally. Though His people chase after the lustful desires of their hearts, and seem to try to push through the boundaries of this love, Christ upholds His end. When the Spirit reveals this truth to the chosen bride, their eyes are opened. A new desire begins to stir in them, and they now have a new nature warring within them. On the one hand, they desire to continue running after the pleasures of the flesh that have been their source of happiness, yet the other nature sees a deeper love, a deeper satisfaction, and a deeper joy in the love of Jesus. There is a change that begins to take place that says, "we love, because Christ first loved us." A transformation begins happening in which the fleeting pleasures or this world start to lose their appeal, and the desire to love according to the love by which we were called starts to take hold. We begin to live a life compelled by the unconditional love of our Savior. Our desires begin to change, our pleasures begin to be magnified in Him, and all we desire is to become worthy of His love. He assures us that it wasn't our worthiness that caused His love to start, nor our worthiness that causes it continue, it is rather that He chose us to be his bride. He loves us because He chose to do so, and will continue doing so, because He chooses to. The release from a feeling of needing to work harder, do more, be better to earn this love doesn't cause us to seek after the old pleasures, but rather free us to more fervently pursue more of Him.