Hinderance

I came to a realization a moment ago; or rather, God revealed something to me... Something so basic that I practically face palmed in the shower.

I've been dealing with some stuff recently, focusing my life back on Christ. I haven't written, mainly out of feelings of inadequacy. Gladly, have reached a point of understanding that it's not like I was adequate or worthy of writing before, so why stop?

Part of the newly refound center of my life is the realization that I need to leave my job. I absolutely love my job about 90% of the time, I thrive on the adrenaline of a code situation, or needle decompressing a tension pneumo... But here's the thing. I put so much of myself into this job that there is rarely enough left to lead my family as God has called me to do. There is even less energy to participate in any ministry opportunities that arise in my life. (those opportunities are a rare occurrence, but I hate that I feel I would have to reject any instance)

This has lead to an unhealthy level of anxiety in my life, loss of sleep, massive amounts of heartburn, and so on. I have been placing applications, and sending resumes and all such things. I am trying to be patient and prayerful through this time... And while in the shower just a bit ago I was praying that God would remove the hindrances that exist that keep me from serving Him... And that's when it happened, this simple revelation: God gently let me know that He was not the one placing those hindrances in my life. It blew me away... Of course I know that God has plans for me, to prosper me and not harm me... but I was living as though the difficulties I was having in service to God were from God. I placed them there, or allowed them to be placed by Satan. Furthermore, the ability to remove them is already at hand through the Holy Spirit. It is through His guidance and counsel I will find the place I am to be to fully serve God, as a father, a husband, and a Christian.