I often say things that make me sound much better than I am. I often make comments about how I wish I were as filled with the Spirit as Paul was. I often tell people that I have a passion to live for Christ. Most days though, those comments are a lie. They are a lie for the simple truth that if I truly meant them, I would live my life differently than I do. If I allowed God to work through me in the ways that I say I wish He would, my life, and the lives of those around me would be radically different, and so much better. Its strange, because I sincerely do want to be the guy I say I am... so why do I struggle so much? One answer than has been swatting me in the gut repeatedly as I continue to ponder that thought has been something Mark Driscoll said concerning living like Christ... to paraphrase, he said that we often do not live the life we say we wish we could live because deep inside there is still a part of us that does not believe that Christ truly lived, died, and now lives again. My initial thought was something along the lines of, "man, must stink to not have confidence in that." Then I realized, that if someone else were to look at my life, especially if they could see and hear my thoughts, I live like I don't believe.
This has been getting better in my life over the past year or so, and I am prayerful that it continues and that more and more I will get out of God's way.
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