When I was in nursing school, I thought I was special... I believed that I was going to, somehow, some way, never lose a patient. I was going to save them all! People would be amazed and awestruck by my ability to heal! God was going to use me in this way to show everyone just how good, and awesome He is... and then, I graduated, started working in my little slice of MICU, and I've learned that my grandiose plan of exactly how God would use me was just plain wrong.
I lose a lot of patients. Above the average among my peers. For awhile, this kind of bothered me, I thought maybe I was doing something wrong... I easily joked with others about the numbers, there is even an angel of death that greets me on my locker every morning, but in actuality, it bugged me for awhile. Until I started seeking God in this area of my life.
The vast, vast majority of the patients I have lost have been due to withdraw of care. Families deciding that we are moving beyond the wishes of their loved one, and opting to stop and let them go. This is not the easiest decision to come to, and as I have become more comfortable in my role, and how God is truly using me, I am realizing the depth of importance that exists in the nursing care of the patient and family during these times.
A deeper understanding of my place in God's will came recently with the passing of a patient, as well as discussion with some close friends...
We all can usually recognize one thing, we are all going to die. And until that time comes, we are in a state of always being in the process of death. We feel our own bodies, and can easily see others', breaking down over time. We know that no matter what we do, this physical form that we indwell is destined to decay, break, and wither. It is the recognition of this finite timeline of our brief life on earth that can often cause us to look into eternity and try to figure out what is there. For the Christian, we must recognize that the soul that resides in each and every physical human body has eternal life. We will all live forever, somewhere. Jesus reminds us over and over again that He is more concerned by spiritual health. He, being God incarnate, knows how much longer each of us will be dying, how much more decaying, pain, and brokenness we have left to endure... He also knows that at the moment that our physical life ends that we are either healed to the uttermost, perfected in glory with Him... or we endure torment and pain apart from Him for all eternity in a place called Hell.
With a better and deeper, and much more cognizant, recognition of this truth, I am more readily available to take part in helping with this transition. It's humbling to help these people understand the truth if passing from this life, as a believer, and into heaven. I can now gladly accept Christ's working through me, to comfort, support, and ultimately help people as they pass from physical life into their eternal destiny. For those who do not have a personal, saving relationship with God... It serves as a reminder to seek to build relationships the way Christ did, keeping their spiritual life the priority over their physical.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
The beauty of redemption
As I was sitting in church this past Sunday, I experienced a slow, painful gut check...
We continued on our journey through the gospel of John, arriving this week at the story of Jesus' miraculous healing of a man at the pool of Bethesda. While examining this story and looking at the awesome power and love that Christ showed to this man who had been confined to a laying position, on a mat, by the pool, for 38 years, I was listening intently, grateful for the work that Jesus has done in my own life. Shortly after this healing takes place, we encounter Jesus again, in the temple, where He finds this same man, worshiping... and Jesus said to him, "See you are well now. Stop sinning so that something worse doesn't happen to you."
The verse instantly struck, but I didn't know why. I wrestled with why the verse had hit me as it had, and prayed to God saying that I didn't know why I couldn't get past those words and asked simply for some clarification. Brought into the forefront of my mind was my recent mindset and attitude, the last post or two that I had written, and discussions that I had had with my wife and with some other folks. Echoing those thoughts were words that we had discussed in our ongoing study of The Saving Life of Christ, we do not have the right to remember that which God forgets.
As those thoughts went spinning through my mind, I realized something... I've been stuck. My thoughts and my attitude have been much more often on the sins of my past, and on the condemnation of the flesh, than on redemption. I was trapping myself in a self-imposed prison of depravity! I was focused on the condition of my self, outside of God. I had allowed Satan the foothold of washing over me with my failures. I was making it all about me, what I did, and what I cannot do I was forgetting the beauty of redemption.
Its a common, and nasty, trick that Satan uses on us all, but in particular, to steal joy and freedom from a Christian... get us to focus on ourselves, instead of on the glory and love of God. By focusing on the lostness of the flesh, its easy to forget that, as a Christian, we are hosting two natures. we are both condemned flesh and redeemed soul. Too much focus on either is unhealthy, we are to remember our flesh as God does, and live our redemption as Christ does.
How does God remember our flesh? His word says that at the moment of salvation, He remembers our sins no more. Its important to know that remembering no more is vastly different from truly forgetting. It means that, though we are dead in our transgressions, as a sinner by nature, and by choice, that we are offered to share in with the righteousness of Christ... and when we choose to share in that inheritance, God no longer allows our sin to be present in his consciousness. When He looks upon us, He choose to see only our redeemed self, price paid by death of Christ. Martin Luther called this the great exchange, the sins of all humanity, past, present, and future... traded for righteousness. God's word tells us that the price for sin must be paid, and that the price to be paid is death. Therefore, each of us, for the sins we choose to commit, and the nature of sin we all possess (thanks for that one Adam & Eve), are guilty, and are required to pay the price for these sins... we must die, not only physically, but also spiritually. Jesus, on the cross, chose to pay the price for us... transferring His righteousness to all of humanity. The biggest thing about this to me is that the price for your sin, and mine, has already been paid... the price of the sin of everyone, everywhere, no matter what they believe, was satisfied at the cross, and the exchange is offered to us all. We just have to accept the gift... when we make that choice, we become co-heirs of the righteousness of Jesus!
Our flesh then becomes only a memory, a necessary portion of our being that allows us to keep in perspective the price paid for me to be called a friend of God. It is to be remembered only to bring glory to God, to show others His might in rescuing us from it. From that grounding and humility, of understanding the state of our existence without God, we are then able to walk forward humbly in redemption. Doing all things first for the glory of God, and second to advance His kingdom. By properly balancing the memory of our flesh, and the beauty of our redemption, we can keep our focus on the glory of God. Keeping the focus where it needs to be allows us to better understand who God is, and that growing understanding allows us to better serve others and love them as we are called.
I am thankful for the conviction found in the words of Jesus, to realize that I am healed. And equally thankful for the warning to not continue in my sin. I had allowed my focus to shift too much, resulting in being out of contact with the life I am called to lead. Continuing that patter of sin could only lead to more disastrous consequences. I am a redeemed friend of God, made righteous by the blood of Christ, and I hope you are too.
We continued on our journey through the gospel of John, arriving this week at the story of Jesus' miraculous healing of a man at the pool of Bethesda. While examining this story and looking at the awesome power and love that Christ showed to this man who had been confined to a laying position, on a mat, by the pool, for 38 years, I was listening intently, grateful for the work that Jesus has done in my own life. Shortly after this healing takes place, we encounter Jesus again, in the temple, where He finds this same man, worshiping... and Jesus said to him, "See you are well now. Stop sinning so that something worse doesn't happen to you."
The verse instantly struck, but I didn't know why. I wrestled with why the verse had hit me as it had, and prayed to God saying that I didn't know why I couldn't get past those words and asked simply for some clarification. Brought into the forefront of my mind was my recent mindset and attitude, the last post or two that I had written, and discussions that I had had with my wife and with some other folks. Echoing those thoughts were words that we had discussed in our ongoing study of The Saving Life of Christ, we do not have the right to remember that which God forgets.
As those thoughts went spinning through my mind, I realized something... I've been stuck. My thoughts and my attitude have been much more often on the sins of my past, and on the condemnation of the flesh, than on redemption. I was trapping myself in a self-imposed prison of depravity! I was focused on the condition of my self, outside of God. I had allowed Satan the foothold of washing over me with my failures. I was making it all about me, what I did, and what I cannot do I was forgetting the beauty of redemption.
Its a common, and nasty, trick that Satan uses on us all, but in particular, to steal joy and freedom from a Christian... get us to focus on ourselves, instead of on the glory and love of God. By focusing on the lostness of the flesh, its easy to forget that, as a Christian, we are hosting two natures. we are both condemned flesh and redeemed soul. Too much focus on either is unhealthy, we are to remember our flesh as God does, and live our redemption as Christ does.
How does God remember our flesh? His word says that at the moment of salvation, He remembers our sins no more. Its important to know that remembering no more is vastly different from truly forgetting. It means that, though we are dead in our transgressions, as a sinner by nature, and by choice, that we are offered to share in with the righteousness of Christ... and when we choose to share in that inheritance, God no longer allows our sin to be present in his consciousness. When He looks upon us, He choose to see only our redeemed self, price paid by death of Christ. Martin Luther called this the great exchange, the sins of all humanity, past, present, and future... traded for righteousness. God's word tells us that the price for sin must be paid, and that the price to be paid is death. Therefore, each of us, for the sins we choose to commit, and the nature of sin we all possess (thanks for that one Adam & Eve), are guilty, and are required to pay the price for these sins... we must die, not only physically, but also spiritually. Jesus, on the cross, chose to pay the price for us... transferring His righteousness to all of humanity. The biggest thing about this to me is that the price for your sin, and mine, has already been paid... the price of the sin of everyone, everywhere, no matter what they believe, was satisfied at the cross, and the exchange is offered to us all. We just have to accept the gift... when we make that choice, we become co-heirs of the righteousness of Jesus!
Our flesh then becomes only a memory, a necessary portion of our being that allows us to keep in perspective the price paid for me to be called a friend of God. It is to be remembered only to bring glory to God, to show others His might in rescuing us from it. From that grounding and humility, of understanding the state of our existence without God, we are then able to walk forward humbly in redemption. Doing all things first for the glory of God, and second to advance His kingdom. By properly balancing the memory of our flesh, and the beauty of our redemption, we can keep our focus on the glory of God. Keeping the focus where it needs to be allows us to better understand who God is, and that growing understanding allows us to better serve others and love them as we are called.
I am thankful for the conviction found in the words of Jesus, to realize that I am healed. And equally thankful for the warning to not continue in my sin. I had allowed my focus to shift too much, resulting in being out of contact with the life I am called to lead. Continuing that patter of sin could only lead to more disastrous consequences. I am a redeemed friend of God, made righteous by the blood of Christ, and I hope you are too.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Utterly Destroyed
I was struck and convicted pretty hard yesterday, reading through and discussing the next chapter of Saving Life of Christ, Ian Thomas talks about Saul. I just want to take a moment to summarize the story and point in an attempt to help myself remember...
As king, Saul was commanded by God to utterly destroy a people, all of them, all of their possessions, everything. God had determined that there was no salvageable thing within this people, and condemned them to death. They were a people who had been at war with God from generation to generation, who sought nothing other than the destruction of God's people.
Instead of obeying the command of God fully, Saul chose to save the king of this people, their best oxen, and their best lambs. Saul decided that there was some good within these things and that they should be offered up as sacrifice to God. The hitch in this plan was quite simple... God had already deemed all of these people, and all that they possessed as being condemned, they were to be destroyed!
To steal a line from Thomas, Saul was preparing to offer God the best of what God hated.
The implications of this, and where the conviction lives with me is quite plain... How often am I offering God the best of what he has condemned? The book parallels these people with human nature and our self-righteous flesh. Both are defiled by sin, both are deemed, by God, to be unsalvageable, and both condemned to total destruction. As followers of Christ, we are called to lay our lives down, deny ourselves, allow our flesh to be, in essence, utterly destroyed by accepting utter and complete dependence on Christ within us. We are commanded, as Saul was, to allow God to wipe out the evil at play. Yet, when the battle begins, we start to hang on to things that we deem are worth saving. Things we think are good! Things we like, and we offer them as things we can do for God's glory. We offer what we decide is the best of ourselves as a sacrifice to God, forgetting that God had condemned all that we were, without Him, to be destroyed.
I have nothing, outside of surrender and submission to the will if God, to offer. There is nothing in me that is good... Nothing in my flesh that is holy, righteous, and deserving of sacrifice. There is only dead flesh...
All that is within me that is good, has come from God, and its only His Spirit in me that is right or good... my decision to submit to that spirit is all that hinders me from doing the will of God.
As king, Saul was commanded by God to utterly destroy a people, all of them, all of their possessions, everything. God had determined that there was no salvageable thing within this people, and condemned them to death. They were a people who had been at war with God from generation to generation, who sought nothing other than the destruction of God's people.
Instead of obeying the command of God fully, Saul chose to save the king of this people, their best oxen, and their best lambs. Saul decided that there was some good within these things and that they should be offered up as sacrifice to God. The hitch in this plan was quite simple... God had already deemed all of these people, and all that they possessed as being condemned, they were to be destroyed!
To steal a line from Thomas, Saul was preparing to offer God the best of what God hated.
The implications of this, and where the conviction lives with me is quite plain... How often am I offering God the best of what he has condemned? The book parallels these people with human nature and our self-righteous flesh. Both are defiled by sin, both are deemed, by God, to be unsalvageable, and both condemned to total destruction. As followers of Christ, we are called to lay our lives down, deny ourselves, allow our flesh to be, in essence, utterly destroyed by accepting utter and complete dependence on Christ within us. We are commanded, as Saul was, to allow God to wipe out the evil at play. Yet, when the battle begins, we start to hang on to things that we deem are worth saving. Things we think are good! Things we like, and we offer them as things we can do for God's glory. We offer what we decide is the best of ourselves as a sacrifice to God, forgetting that God had condemned all that we were, without Him, to be destroyed.
I have nothing, outside of surrender and submission to the will if God, to offer. There is nothing in me that is good... Nothing in my flesh that is holy, righteous, and deserving of sacrifice. There is only dead flesh...
All that is within me that is good, has come from God, and its only His Spirit in me that is right or good... my decision to submit to that spirit is all that hinders me from doing the will of God.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Sins of a father
I am not one to tout things as being life-changing, or to say that someone else's words change my outlook on life or caused me more than a moment to reflect. Outside of the gospel of God's inextinguishable, undeserved and unmerited favor to bestow grace upon us to the extent that, as Paul says, while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me... that truth is truly life changing. I am a sinner, and so are you... until the day I cross into the eternal glory of a perfect Heaven, and until I am undertaken through what I can only imagine to be the beautifully excruciating and perfectly sublime experience of full glorification, when I will shed the beaten and destroyed shell of my flesh and enter into a glorified, perfect body... on that day, and only then, will I no longer be a sinner. I sin by choice, not because I don't know how to not, but because I still fall prey to trying to satisfy the hunger of my soul with things of this world. Often with good things, things like my wife's love, or my children's joy... great things, intended by God to be blessings and glimpses into His reality... but I use them so often to replace God. I forget that it is my obedience to His will, and submission to His work through my life, that I will walk, filled by the spirit and pouring out those wonderful fruits of love, and joy. They are to be celebrated as glorifying to His splendor. I forget that often, and worse, I sometimes choose to fulfill my thirst with things of this world that lie in direct opposition to the glory of God. I struggle through the battle of my two natures, as Paul called it, and I choose to fight the battle on my own, not seeking the strength of God that resides within me...
I am a sinner, that much is for sure... but something different happens now when I find myself making decisions based on my flesh... It starts when I remember a phrase. A phrase I would actually call life-changing... one of the first messages I can remember hearing our pastor preach after coming to our church, he said these words (or at least something like them)-- If left unchecked, the sins of the father will be multiplied in the sins of the children.
Conviction begins, so often, with those words echoing in my mind... followed by scriptures relating to parenting, and righteous living, and being a man of integrity... then, I see my kids, their smiles, and most of all their eyes. My kids were blessed to receive the deeply beautiful, piercing eyes of their mom. They have long been my favorite physical feature of her, and when I see those eyes, I feel the weight of my sin. I think about what the future will look like through those eyes. My heart breaks when I think about the sins they will endure through their lives, and the role the my current sin will play. If left unchecked... I am passing along a foothold for Satan to use to get to my kids. If I continue to take back the control and refuse to give it to God... I hate to think of what my kids will have to go through. Life is hard enough, dealing with your own bad choices, you don't need the sins of your father following you around. But what breaks my heart more is knowing that if I leave my sin unchecked, my kids will have to check it for themselves, or let it ruin them... we see this in families where dad's an alcoholic, son grows up, either compounds it as an abusive alcoholic, or has never touched the stuff because he wasn't going to be like his dad. A graphic example, but a true look at the concept.
This all goes through my head, the weight of it slamming through my soul, when I am confronted with my sins. It happens so fast, but the feeling lingers, my innermost being cries out to the God who created all things, I echo once more the words of Paul... searching out why I continue to do that which I do not want, and not do that which I desire... and this Creator of everything, forgives me... reminds me that my sins were nailed to the cross. my sins were part of that darkness the Jesus felt, as He was torn into separation from His Father. It was for that sin, the one I just committed, that Jesus cried out in agony as His heart literally, and brutally broke. My God reminds me that it was no small price to reconcile my sins, but that it was paid. He reminds me to stand up, and lead my family. He comforts me with words of grace, and promises of love.
I am a sinner, and I am redeemed... at a high price, that was willfully paid.
My sin is real, and needs to be checked, so I can lead my family... so that maybe, just maybe, my sins won't be theirs to bear.
I am a sinner, saved by grace through faith, it is not of myself so that I may not boast...
I am a sinner, that much is for sure... but something different happens now when I find myself making decisions based on my flesh... It starts when I remember a phrase. A phrase I would actually call life-changing... one of the first messages I can remember hearing our pastor preach after coming to our church, he said these words (or at least something like them)-- If left unchecked, the sins of the father will be multiplied in the sins of the children.
Conviction begins, so often, with those words echoing in my mind... followed by scriptures relating to parenting, and righteous living, and being a man of integrity... then, I see my kids, their smiles, and most of all their eyes. My kids were blessed to receive the deeply beautiful, piercing eyes of their mom. They have long been my favorite physical feature of her, and when I see those eyes, I feel the weight of my sin. I think about what the future will look like through those eyes. My heart breaks when I think about the sins they will endure through their lives, and the role the my current sin will play. If left unchecked... I am passing along a foothold for Satan to use to get to my kids. If I continue to take back the control and refuse to give it to God... I hate to think of what my kids will have to go through. Life is hard enough, dealing with your own bad choices, you don't need the sins of your father following you around. But what breaks my heart more is knowing that if I leave my sin unchecked, my kids will have to check it for themselves, or let it ruin them... we see this in families where dad's an alcoholic, son grows up, either compounds it as an abusive alcoholic, or has never touched the stuff because he wasn't going to be like his dad. A graphic example, but a true look at the concept.
This all goes through my head, the weight of it slamming through my soul, when I am confronted with my sins. It happens so fast, but the feeling lingers, my innermost being cries out to the God who created all things, I echo once more the words of Paul... searching out why I continue to do that which I do not want, and not do that which I desire... and this Creator of everything, forgives me... reminds me that my sins were nailed to the cross. my sins were part of that darkness the Jesus felt, as He was torn into separation from His Father. It was for that sin, the one I just committed, that Jesus cried out in agony as His heart literally, and brutally broke. My God reminds me that it was no small price to reconcile my sins, but that it was paid. He reminds me to stand up, and lead my family. He comforts me with words of grace, and promises of love.
I am a sinner, and I am redeemed... at a high price, that was willfully paid.
My sin is real, and needs to be checked, so I can lead my family... so that maybe, just maybe, my sins won't be theirs to bear.
I am a sinner, saved by grace through faith, it is not of myself so that I may not boast...
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
A few things I've learned about the kingdom
As introducing the kingdom as already but not yet here on earth, it is very easy to be confused. It's a concept that many of us out there accept without giving a reason or having an understand of what Jesus meant when talking about His kingdom. I'd love to say that I have a lot of answers to the mystery of the kingdom of God, but I don't... Between a few books and studies, and the Kingdom Advance Conference,I have learned some things over the last year or so though:
1) Jesus initiated His kingdom with His first coming. Jesus' time here on earth signified the beginning of the end for the rebellion of this earth. Jesus uses His time here giving us glances and glimpses of what the kingdom will be like. When he raises from the dead, when he he heals the sick, when he feeds the hungry... These are all foretaste of what life in His kingdom will be. Much like the manna from heaven falling to the Israelites in the wilderness, these acts are to appetize us for what is to come in our promised land. These moments of pure holiness are not meant to satisfy and quench the whole world, as the kingdom in its complete splendor will, but rather to motivate us for the beauty that awaits us after going through the pain of this life.
2) The kingdom, having not been fully consecrated, shows us that there is still time and work to be done. The earth's people, still actively rebelling against our creator, through intent and deed, are evidence that this world is still broken. Sin is still the major influence over the people of today. If the kingdom were already here in full, there would be no sickness, pain, death, or anything that does not glorify God. This alone should be enough motivation to get up and join together as Christians, not as Baptists, and Methodists, and AG, and, and, and... but as the body of a living Christ.
3) it is not by anything, any effort or doing of any person, no matter how many, that the kingdom will be consecrated... we can not do anything to defeat the rebellion. But, if we, as the body of Christ, submit and surrender our entire will to the power of Jesus within each of us, through the Holy Spirit, we can become the tools of His righteousness. Through His power we can be used as builders of the kingdom. By obeying His call and command, we can stand against the rebellion, we can love as Christ loves, and we can advance the kingdom, until it is a completed work. Then, all the sad things of life, the pain, sickness, hunger, death, and destruction will be tossed into the lake of fire with their father Satan. The last of the old will pass away, and the new earth will come forward.
We need to recognize what Jesus started, allow Him to work through us to continue it, and look ahead to its completion through Him... we need to live as though we believe.
1) Jesus initiated His kingdom with His first coming. Jesus' time here on earth signified the beginning of the end for the rebellion of this earth. Jesus uses His time here giving us glances and glimpses of what the kingdom will be like. When he raises from the dead, when he he heals the sick, when he feeds the hungry... These are all foretaste of what life in His kingdom will be. Much like the manna from heaven falling to the Israelites in the wilderness, these acts are to appetize us for what is to come in our promised land. These moments of pure holiness are not meant to satisfy and quench the whole world, as the kingdom in its complete splendor will, but rather to motivate us for the beauty that awaits us after going through the pain of this life.
2) The kingdom, having not been fully consecrated, shows us that there is still time and work to be done. The earth's people, still actively rebelling against our creator, through intent and deed, are evidence that this world is still broken. Sin is still the major influence over the people of today. If the kingdom were already here in full, there would be no sickness, pain, death, or anything that does not glorify God. This alone should be enough motivation to get up and join together as Christians, not as Baptists, and Methodists, and AG, and, and, and... but as the body of a living Christ.
3) it is not by anything, any effort or doing of any person, no matter how many, that the kingdom will be consecrated... we can not do anything to defeat the rebellion. But, if we, as the body of Christ, submit and surrender our entire will to the power of Jesus within each of us, through the Holy Spirit, we can become the tools of His righteousness. Through His power we can be used as builders of the kingdom. By obeying His call and command, we can stand against the rebellion, we can love as Christ loves, and we can advance the kingdom, until it is a completed work. Then, all the sad things of life, the pain, sickness, hunger, death, and destruction will be tossed into the lake of fire with their father Satan. The last of the old will pass away, and the new earth will come forward.
We need to recognize what Jesus started, allow Him to work through us to continue it, and look ahead to its completion through Him... we need to live as though we believe.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
God hated Esau
I am often confused when I read the Old Testament. One particular story from way back towards the beginning that would always make my brain wrinkle was Jacob and Esau. Mainly the line that tells us that God loved Jacob, but Esau He hated. As I have worked through this story over the years, I have began to better understand God. It is a story that shows the truth of who God truly is, it should shatter the belief that is growing in popularity that because God is love, then no one will have to spend eternity in Hell. This belief is charged by people who want to say that a loving God could never send anyone to Hell, that we all must be given a final chance to accept our place in Heaven. To paraphrase a little Francis Chan here, I wish this were true, I wish I could sit back and believe that each and every person's eternity were not at stake. But the scriptures are clear that there is a Heaven and a Hell, and it is made clear for us that there are people headed to both.
As we furthered our study in Ian Thomas' The Saving Life of Christ this week, we were again introduced to the story of Jacob and Esau. We were challenged with answering some pretty tough questions, and in the end gained a valuable understanding of God. The question that sits at the front of my mind this morning was this, Why did God hate Esau?
I was initially struck by the fact that this was not the question I usually think of, I usually get stuck on the Did God hate Esau? In itself the question that our pastor posed was convicting for this reason: I had missed the very point of the story, it is never about "if" God hates Esau... God says He does... its about why. We, or more specifically I, think that the Bible is so mysterious and I must do some deep, deep thinking in order to understand what its really saying. What I realized at the posing of this question is that sometimes, God is very clear in His word. Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated. So, why did God hate Esau?
We were charged, in our small group, to come up with a condensed, to the point argument to place before the class to show why God hated Esau, and why He loved Jacob. Those who know me have probably figured out by now that I am not condensed, and rarely am I to the point. I have learned along the path of my life that if I talk long enough, I can usually convince someone I am right. (thats a whole different post)
So, as discussion ranged at our table from this specific story of Esau despising his birthright, to the New Testament and the words of Jesus, we developed a very lengthy, very solid answer... or at least a very disorganized idea of what we knew to be a great answer. My proclivity to talk alot, and I mean alot, landed me as my groups spokesperson, and somehow, our answer came together as the first small group to present our case:
Why did God hate Esau, but love Jacob?
To steal the words of Major Thomas, Esau was Satan incarnate. Although he was, by the standards of the world around him, a great man... a man's man... Esau had become full of pride, he rejected his birthright from God, stating that he had no need of God. He did not want anyone to dictate how his life was going to flow, where he should go, or what his future would hold. Esau, by the guidance of his own flesh, turned and rejected God. We learn later that this is the only unforgivable sin in existence, the failure to recognize our own need of God and our dependence of Him. God, being God, and ultimately just, and right, had no choice because of His hate of unrepentant sin, but to hate Esau. Jacob, on the other hand, was a scum. He was a liar, a cheat, and a twister... just as his name means. He was a weakling, tied to his mom's apron and by all standards of the world, a useless piece of dirt. He conned his way into the birthright of Esau, and deceived his brother. But, Jacob was different. He hit a point at which he realized his need for God. Jacob approached God and told Him what he was, honestly and truly seeking forgiveness. Jacob had come to realize his own filth and unworthiness of the birthright he had stolen. His repentance was pure and his desire to allow God to change the path of his life was honest... we learn later in scripture that God delights in the honest heart of a pure seeker. God had to love Jacob. So much so, that God does not just tell Jacob that its all ok, He changes Jacob's name to Israel. Just as Paul teaches us, when we come to God with open repentance and a desire to allow God's power to change us, the old life passes away and we are a new creature.
Thats about as condensed as I can really get on such a topic, and it bears noting, as Pastor Derek did, that in order to truly understand what all of this means, we must strengthen our understanding of God. We must not confuse our own belief of what hate and love are for their true meaning. Hate is simply an intense, emotional dislike. It is not associated with action, or even anger. Godly love is an act of the will for the benefit of someone other than ourselves. God had a strong, emotional dislike for Esau because of the choices he made, but God would still act for the benefit of Esau, allowing him, time and again, opportunities to make things right. God had the same strong, emotional dislike for the choices that Jacob had been making. But when, out of His love, God offered Jacob another chance to make things right, Jacob chose to lay down his useless existence and to pick up God's purpose and power.
God is all encompassing, and in Him we find grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness... but just as much, we find work, judgement, punishment, and hate. These are the same attributes we find in each one of us, and if we truly search ourselves, we will find that they are greatly out of balance. If we will submit our will over to the power and perfection of Jesus Christ, allow Him to be our Lord, and if we will make that choice to surrender daily to His will, He will work through us to put these qualities into their rightful place. It is through that submission of will, that dying daily, that allows us to follow Him, and allows Him to work through us to complete the good work He has already begun.
If you are sitting there this morning, and happen to read through this, have you ever felt like God hates you? If you say no, I'm going to think you are a liar. I know there are times that God hates me. If thats where you are this morning, do yourself a favor, pray. Ask God why... be open and ready for His response. Ask with a desire and willingness to allow God to work through you to make it right. Know that there is nothing that you can do to fix it, to make it right, to be forgiven. Your forgiveness is already available, your victory over the weight and wages of your sins has already been won... all you have to do is accept it. Pray to God, as Jacob did, call yourself by your own name, seek with an open and honest heart. God promises that if we seek Him in this way, He will allow us to find Him. If you are unsure how to go about this process, I suggest finding a local church this morning... they're everywhere (if you haven't noticed). They should exist to help us in these times. If you are anywhere nearby, I shamelessly plug First Baptist Nixa... please don't go any further in your life feeling the hatred of God upon you, move forward in repentance and love. Allow God to remove that burden from your shoulders, and to wrap you (as is His deepest longing) in His love. God's love is unconditional, and unending. It exists in perfect balance with His wrath, we choose where we sit on that scale.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Defining a miracle
Shared this story this evening with my fellow men during our meeting and discussion of the second chapter of Samson and the Pirate Monks, thought I might as well type it out and get it posted... for those who are around and have talked to me about this, you've heard it before for those who haven't I hope it might be some encouragement...
When we first learned that my mom was sick, having been diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer (just as so many women in her family had been before her), I was not where I needed to be in my relationship with God. I had drifted into a comfortable place of living my compartmentalized Christianity. I was who I needed to be based on who was around me, and I put very little thought into growing or maturing in my relationship with Jesus. Mom's diagnosis and ultimate prognosis woke me up and sent me searching through scripture in a renewed way. I defaulted into a mode of life that reflected my truly immature Christian self. I searched for scriptures to make me feel better and prayed prayers designed for me to get what I want. I often fall into this pattern of thinking that I can manipulate God into giving me what I want, I am apparently that clever... So, one night, around 2AM, my phone rang... mom was headed to ICU, a pulmonary embolus had attempted to end her fight right there. My prayers intensified in earnest, and I pleaded for God to heal my mom... in the still, powerful silence of one of these moments God revealed something to me that has changed my life forever...
I am perfectly free to ask of God to perform a miracle as I had been, but I had no right to define the miracle. Beggars can't be choosers... I was encouraged and comforted in that moment as God laid out before me the train of thinking to show that if I was truly willing to accept that God is God and He alone is God, then I could take solace in knowing that He would heal my mom, but I had to accept the fact that her complete and total healing was going to be on God's terms. It is not for me to decide what, how, or when that healing would take place, but it was enough to know that it would. My prayers changed after that, I was able to much more easily pray for God's will to be done, and even pray that I might get to bear witness to her healing while she was still on this earth... but I also began praying that no matter the how, when, where of her healing, that there would be no doubt in the end that it was only by the power, grace, and love of God that her healing would ever be possible. I prayed that anyone who witnessed her time remaining would be unable to doubt that it was God alone who made it all possible.
God was faithful, as He always is, my mom has been fully, completely, eternally healed and is alive in full glorification with our Lord and Savior. God gifted us 4 years more than she ever should have had (from a medical point of view), including getting to be at my daughter's first birthday party. God even granted her something that most of us only wish we could have, she got to say when... at the point that the cancer was over running her, she got the chance to say that she was done playing by the rules of this disease, she was going to finish her life by her rules. In her last few moments, surrounded by her family, in the home she and my dad built to raise that family, God answered my selfish prayer. I had continuously prayed to see her healing on this earth. Again, teaching me that He is in control, God granted me that desire, just not as I expected it. Though I might be the only person who saw this happen, I will remember it the rest of my life, at the moment my mom passed from this life, she looked into my eyes and smiled. The image of it is burned in my mind... in that split second, God allowed me to see my mom, not as the diseased, decimated, broken body she had become, but her face looked younger, I could see the long, curly hair she once wore proudly, her bright eyes and her unforgettable smile. Its how I will always remember her, and its how God always saw her.
I came away from my mom's death with a deeper understanding and a strong encouragement... I learned that I cannot place God into a box and confine Him by my own desires and understanding. I learned that sometimes I have to get out of the way and let God be God, and simply worship Him. I don't get to define for God what His miracles are, I just have to be paying attention to see those that happen around me. We can petition God for anything, but we have to be willing to understand that His answer may not be what we were looking for, but that does not make it wrong. If we are willing to accept that God is perfect, and therefore His decisions are right, then we have to accept that He gets to define the miracle. When we allow Him to define the miracle, we get to bear witness to amazing, powerful, beautiful things.
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