Not a Fan: week 1: feeling alive

Started a new church-wide study tonight with Kyle Idleman's Not a Fan... During discussion we were asked to imagine a time that we felt truly alive and our focus was not on ourselves. For me, I feel most alive in the first few split seconds of recognizing the rapid deterioration of a patient who is headed to cardiac/respiratory arrest.
In that moment, all of the skill, knowledge, and some instinct culminate deep down, and I am in my element. The utter chaos of a code is like a hurricane; violent, intense, relentless... But at the center of that chaos there has to be those who serve as the "eye"... We feel most at peace within this storm. It feels natural, and we see order and beauty in these moments.

So, that's what makes me feel most alive... I truly believe that God has blessed me in ways that allow me to thrive in such circumstances, and I try to remember that it is only to His glory and greatness that I am able to perform these tasks. But I often struggle with my pride... forgetting that without Him I could do nothing, not the least of which to help a patient in need. When I can keep the focus on my Lord before, during, and after a code... not only do I feel alive, but also, I feel grateful and blessed to have the opportunity to serve in such a great way.

A great start to this study, to this point I feel that the fan/follower designation must be viewed on a continuum. We all fall on the spectrum somewhere between being simply a fan of Jesus, or truly being a committed follower of Christ. We should strive to, every day, decide to move closer to being a follower. I hope I do just that.

Humility/Humiliation

God promises things... He does it quite often. Not only does God make promises, but (like the perfect father He is) God keeps those promises. Over and over again in the Bible we see God promising things to both those who honor Him and those who do not. Then, at some time in the future, we see those promises kept, both for the good, and the destruction of those to whom the promise was made. I ramble through these thoughts to say this... what makes us think that the promises that God has made to us are any different? Perhaps for some it is the lack of a father figure that is to be an example to us of who God is, and how God loves us. If our earthly father has failed and harmed us, then how are we supposed to be excited about a God that is our Heavenly father? For those of us who have amazing earthly fathers, maybe we blow off the present promises of God because, despite our best efforts, we just simply are terrible at faith. We don't trust anything, up to and including God's very existence. If we have trouble firmly placing a belief in His existence, then how can we believe in His promises? The Bible is too old, it was written by crazy zealots, those people are soooo out of touch with the reality of today... this list continues for awhile. Sooner or later, this list boils down to one thing, pride. Pride says that, ultimately, I don't care if God is real or not, and even more so, I don't care about what He promises, cause I am in control, and I know best... But what does God think of that? God says, as the man Jesus, that the proud will be made humble and the humble shall be exalted. He says, basically, "Look, either live with humility, or I will humiliate you." We are warned to either live with reverence and humility in the presence of God, or, at some point, between now and eternity, God will humiliate you as only He can. Far more a warning for those who claim to know God, and be in relationship with Christ, than those who don't... those who live apart from Christ will meet a known and determined humiliation in the reality of Hell. Those who claim a relationship with God, through Christ, humility is demanded in order to serve others, without it, our humiliation could be being deemed unfit to serve God in a meaningful way. Outside of the ongoing, conscious torment of Hell, I can't imagine a pain worse than being deemed useless to God. God makes promises, and He keeps them... both for the good, and the destruction of those to whom promises have been made. He gives us the choice, humility or humiliation- we are free to choose either, the consequence of the choice is clear.

Hinderance

I came to a realization a moment ago; or rather, God revealed something to me... Something so basic that I practically face palmed in the shower.

I've been dealing with some stuff recently, focusing my life back on Christ. I haven't written, mainly out of feelings of inadequacy. Gladly, have reached a point of understanding that it's not like I was adequate or worthy of writing before, so why stop?

Part of the newly refound center of my life is the realization that I need to leave my job. I absolutely love my job about 90% of the time, I thrive on the adrenaline of a code situation, or needle decompressing a tension pneumo... But here's the thing. I put so much of myself into this job that there is rarely enough left to lead my family as God has called me to do. There is even less energy to participate in any ministry opportunities that arise in my life. (those opportunities are a rare occurrence, but I hate that I feel I would have to reject any instance)

This has lead to an unhealthy level of anxiety in my life, loss of sleep, massive amounts of heartburn, and so on. I have been placing applications, and sending resumes and all such things. I am trying to be patient and prayerful through this time... And while in the shower just a bit ago I was praying that God would remove the hindrances that exist that keep me from serving Him... And that's when it happened, this simple revelation: God gently let me know that He was not the one placing those hindrances in my life. It blew me away... Of course I know that God has plans for me, to prosper me and not harm me... but I was living as though the difficulties I was having in service to God were from God. I placed them there, or allowed them to be placed by Satan. Furthermore, the ability to remove them is already at hand through the Holy Spirit. It is through His guidance and counsel I will find the place I am to be to fully serve God, as a father, a husband, and a Christian.

Jonah is not just a fishing story

Should I not have compassion on Nineveh, the great city in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know the difference between their right and left hand, as well as many animals? (Jonah 4:11 NASB)

It is so easy to get fed up with the world around us, and to become angry with people who "wrong us". It is easier still to blame God and ask how He could let the world be so terrible. It is so easy to be like Jonah, and run away from dealing with the world, or at least certain people. But we have to remember that we are not called to live in isolation. We are called to live in the world, often among those very same people. We are to love and show mercy, especially to those who do not know Christ as Savior.

So... Where do we find strength to go, boldly, into the fire? How are we supposed to remember that the lost of this world are simply that... Lost? Jonah 4:11, God straight-up implores Jonah, that He sees fit to shower grace and mercy upon Nineveh and by extension, Jonah also.

Much like Christ on the cross imploring, "forgive them, for they know not what they do"... God is telling us to not withhold mercy and love to those who are are unaware of their need for Him. If we attempt to contain the glorious light of the gospel, and keep it hidden from the world, we cannot expect the world to become any different than it is today. We know that God will call to Himself, thus revealing His glory to, those who He will justify... but we also know that that effectual call is often channeled through the display of grace, made apparent in the lives of those who have been likewise called.

Jonah's life isn't just a great story to be told during children's church, it is a life that brings new life and a fuller picture to Paul's words to the Romans.: "For there is no distinction between Jew or Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him, for 'Whoever will call on the name of The Lord will be saved.' How will they call on Him whom they have not believed? How will they believe in whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher? How will they preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things!'" (Romans 10:12-15)

Waiting

reading through some old writings and discovered that this never got posted here...


So, this has been kindda bugging me lately and in the car just now I heard it again... There is a commercial on 88.3 that talks about the music and listener reactions and it is in reference to John Waller's "While I'm waiting"... the woman makes a comment about how she loves that song because it reminds her that all she needs to do is wait on God and everything will be ok...



Whereas that is nice sentiment and I fully agree that there are times in life when we are supposed to wait on God, I think the we (myself emphatically included) have failed to understand what this means. I think that if we listen to the lyrics of that song, and search the Bible, we discover that most of the time, waiting on God is not an idle task. We hear, "wait on God" and think, "Ok God, I'll be right here when you are ready to tell me what to do." But listen to what Waller sings, "I will serve you while I'm waiting and I will worship while I'm waiting." "I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience" "I'll be running the race, even while I wait."



He nails it! So often when we "wait" on God, we are just sitting, idle... what are we expecting to happen? The Bible tells us, and Waller paraphrases, that we should be serving and worshiping. We should be actively seeking God's instructions by following the ones we already know. Instead of sitting idle, waiting for a bush to catch fire to tell us what to do, we should be following the will of God to love others and serve the least of us... we should look to His word for instruction and step out boldly in faith, confident that even though the service we are doing may not be the pinnacle of God's plan for our life, that we are serving God the way we are commanded. Through these services and through prayerful meditation God reveals more of His plan for us, and directs us further. It takes our willingness to "move ahead bold and confident" to gain a deeper understanding of God, and the work He wants us to do. For example, remember that burning bush? Nothing happened there until Moses took action... God did not call out, "Hey, Moses, yeah, you... get over here!" God waited for Moses, not the other way around.



One failing of Christians today is that we do not serve while we wait, this results in a perception that we only care about you when it is convenient for us, or when you wander into our church. We forget that we are to be always serving, and always loving. We wait for the next big event to do something, we wait until we think God is ready... how silly does that sound? Once again we try to dictate to God when its a good time to reach out, when its an ok time to let someone know how much He loves someone. I am awful at this, and I know most of you are too... why not try to be a little better at waiting on God by doing what Jesus told Peter... lets feed some sheep

Where I am

Sometimes our heart requires breaking, the repair of the heart, when done through Godly wisdom and counsel leads to strengthening and ultimately a better life. In the meantime, it hurts.

The first time I was ever truly broken, I went from engaged to single in the blink of an eye. I remember sitting, gazing at the stars, trying to figure out what happened and why. All I wanted was to scream at God, turn, and run... instead, through some timely and truly loving advice from a friend, I turned right at God and went to His word. I felt challenged to prove that the answer was not present in some book. How could this book possibly help me now? What I learned that night was that it is foolish to try to prove God wrong... grumpily reading through some scripture I came across a parable. In this parable we see two seeds that landed in the same spot of dirt. They began to grow and become strong, and then one tree was ripped up from the spot and placed away from (yet still close to) the second tree. The result was that each tree rooted much more firmly and produced much more bountiful fruit. As the trees grew, their branches reached out to one another and they were again joined as two beautiful, productive trees.

I took this to heart and chose to plant myself firmly in God, and blindly trust that He knew what he was doing. My growth from that point was far from perfect, but I strived to remain focused on God, and trusted Him to make His will come... Within only a few years, my fiancee and I were married. It is a daily struggle sometimes to remember that so much pain was required to build me up into more of the man God wants me to be, and sometimes I forget that He is not done with me... I forget that if I am not careful, and do not walk with God as I should that there could be even greater pain and heart break in my future.

Been spending this week in Psalm 119, convicted about my obedience... praying that I will take those words as seriously as I used to

Thoughts of Quantum Theories

I've done some reading this past couple of weeks about Quantum mechanics. I am always interested in what kind of explanations others have found about the world, and our existence in it. I read through an explanation of the thought exercise concerning "Quantum Suicide". This exercise is an extension of the Many-worlds theory which (roughly butchered) says that within the world we occupy, every decision we make has multiple possible answers and consequences. We are limited to deciding only one possible route for each of these choices, however, when we make our choice, we are causing a split and the creation of an alternative reality for each and every other possible choice. This series of events occurs with every person, and every decision they make, every day... forever. We remain only conscious of the reality of the choice we make, and are never aware of these alternate realities. To this end, Quantum Suicide is an exercise in which a man sits in a room with a loaded pistol. When he chooses to pull the trigger, the gun will either fire or it won't, depending on the location and rotation of quanta acting on the gun at that precise moment. These two possibilities split into 2 different realities, in one the gun fires and the man dies... while in the other, the gun malfunctions, and does not fire. In this second reality, the man resets himself, and pulls the trigger again. Again there is a split into two realities, one where the man dies, and one in which he will again try to kill himself. This creates an infinite loop of attempted suicide in which the man will ultimately (because of the never-ending splitting of realities) become immortal.

I say this to get to this point, I have a few observations I'd like to make:
1) Thinking about how many decisions each of us makes every day, and how many people there are in the world, it is impossible to try to estimate how many different, parallel realities exist and how many new ones are created each day. Especially when you factor in that each decision made in each alternative reality would itself cause a split into a whole new set of reality... and it spirals onward...
So, the same people who subscribe to this type of thinking will generally also concede that due to the sheer number of realities in existence, then the laws governing large numbers would state that anything is possible. To this end, I have to wonder how they can question the existence of God. Wouldn't it stand to their own logic and reason that within at least one of those plains of existence there would be room for God? Also, by definition of who God is, if He exists in one reality, He would have to exist in all of them? If He is not, then He is not God and could not exist at all... yet, that would then violate the logic and the law of large numbers to say that it is not possible for God to exist.

2) This is also another reason why it is impossible to prove or disprove the existence of God. We can use neither the things of this world, nor the measurements of man to attempt to nail down any proof of God. He is existent beyond any level of understanding we can achieve, and yet He reveals Himself to us in ways we can comprehend. His mercy in this requires a willingness to believe. A lack of faith, so often is a lack of desire to believe. God's existence and the account of reality as depicted in the Bible makes much more sense than pretty much all of the other mumbo-jumbo I listed here...

In all reality, I don't know the full point as to why I felt I needed to post this. I hope I will at some point realize why I take time to write out so much of what I am thinking... but for today, this is all I got!